Spring is Here...
Annually, on February 2nd, the undeniable meteorologist of the animal kingdom, Punksatony Phil, emerges from his hole in the ground and forecasts the coming of spring. That’s right, to millions of Americans, the fact that whether a fucking groundhog sees his shadow or not actually determines their meteorological future and alters their lifestyle choices. Seriously, I’ve heard of people not going on vacation because Big Phil saw his shadow. Good job guys, way to up the learning curve.
By the way, that whole process doesn’t even make sense… So legend says, “If Punksatony Phil sees his shadow, he gets scared back underground, and we have two more weeks of winter.” Or something, I dunno, don’t quote me on that. But, seriously… If he saw his shadow, wouldn’t that mean the sun was out, and thus Spring is on its way? The whole process is flawed, but that isn’t why I write to you today. Nay, I write to inform you of the true weatherman of the order rodentia; the squirrel.
That’s right, fuck Punksatony Phil; that pudgy bastard... If you want to know spring’s around the corner, turn to your bushy tailed, arboreal allies. Why, just today, I walked out my front door and saw two squirrels absolutely humping to the max on the tree in my front yard, and that, my friends, is how I know spring is here. Squirrels know what’s up… They definitely plan ahead. These guys spend months hording acorns so they can make it through the winter, there’s NO WAY they’re going to blow their proverbial load--well, okay, maybe not so proverbial--and have a litter of offspring when it’s still winter out. I’m not sure exactly how long a squirrel pregnancy cycle lasts, but I guarantee that spring comes whenever that is from today.
Yeah, that’s right, fuck Groundhog’s Day, fuck Punksatony Phil, and most of all, fuck Bill Murray. It’s not about a hypoglycemic rat seeing his shadow, it’s about squirrels getting their freak on. Pass the word, and let’s put an end to this ridiculous holiday… Although, I always did think that it was an awesome excuse to drink. But, then again, what isn’t?
Is his thumb in that rat's ass? I think it is! That guy is waaaay too close to that rodent!
By the way, that whole process doesn’t even make sense… So legend says, “If Punksatony Phil sees his shadow, he gets scared back underground, and we have two more weeks of winter.” Or something, I dunno, don’t quote me on that. But, seriously… If he saw his shadow, wouldn’t that mean the sun was out, and thus Spring is on its way? The whole process is flawed, but that isn’t why I write to you today. Nay, I write to inform you of the true weatherman of the order rodentia; the squirrel.
That’s right, fuck Punksatony Phil; that pudgy bastard... If you want to know spring’s around the corner, turn to your bushy tailed, arboreal allies. Why, just today, I walked out my front door and saw two squirrels absolutely humping to the max on the tree in my front yard, and that, my friends, is how I know spring is here. Squirrels know what’s up… They definitely plan ahead. These guys spend months hording acorns so they can make it through the winter, there’s NO WAY they’re going to blow their proverbial load--well, okay, maybe not so proverbial--and have a litter of offspring when it’s still winter out. I’m not sure exactly how long a squirrel pregnancy cycle lasts, but I guarantee that spring comes whenever that is from today.
Yeah, that’s right, fuck Groundhog’s Day, fuck Punksatony Phil, and most of all, fuck Bill Murray. It’s not about a hypoglycemic rat seeing his shadow, it’s about squirrels getting their freak on. Pass the word, and let’s put an end to this ridiculous holiday… Although, I always did think that it was an awesome excuse to drink. But, then again, what isn’t?
Is his thumb in that rat's ass? I think it is! That guy is waaaay too close to that rodent!
Labels: groundhog's day, spring, squirrel fucking
posted by Tyler at 1:53 AM
4 Comments:
I was with you right up until fuck Bill Murray. How dare you? Groundhog's Day is an epic cinematic adventure and you take that back - right fucking now, Mr. Sulhoff!
Carried away? Yeah, I get that.
And I saw two squirrels and they were married...
The picters CUTE, not the captsion!
Hi your website is cute
Take a look at that funny emo song:
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