Justified Annoyance

I just want to hit everyone with a disclaimer before you read this. This post is going to be about Justin Timberlake. Yeah, I know... but seriously, I need to talk about this for a second.

Through some miracle of deception, Timberlake's new album, FutureSex/LoveSounds, managed to snake its way into the number two spot on Urban Outfitter's October play list. And yeah, I do know it's November, but I still have to hear this shit all the damn time because the girls I work with will always go take out The Decemberists and Cold War Kids CDs and put it in. It sucks... Not only do I have to actually listen to the man who saved his receipt for sexy so that one day he could bring it back, but I have to constantly explain to people why his album is terrible; and trust me it is. If you think SexyBack is an awful song, go listen to Losing My Way. It's supposed to be some kind of anti-drug PSA or something, but it's so ridiculously bad that you find yourself sticking heroin needles into your eardrums just to numb the pain.


The only time Justin's fingers have ever smelled of fish...

Now, I know that JT received some critical acclaim for his first album, due mostly to the fact that everyone was so shocked and surprised that it showed artistic development and maturity from his boy band days. But, what surprises me, is what people have to say about FutureSex/LoveSounds... I mean, just read the Pitchfork review - WTF? This album blows. I'll say it again, I really can't say it enough, BLOWS. B-L-O-W-S. People say that it's great and shows maturity, but I dissent, I say it shows regression. Seriously, the whole thing sounds like Timberland just remixed an old *NSYNC CD.

When it comes down to it... I think people can really only "OMGZ Luv his music!!!" for three reasons:

• You think his music is awesome. [AKA, you're deaf.]
• You think his music is awesome to dance to. [AKA, you're a whore.]
• You think his music is awesome due to a left over crush from when you were sixteen [AKA, you suck at life.]

I mean, I understand that it's wierd to like Michael Jackson due to the fact that he bought the Elephant Man's remains (and also thinks that Hailey Joel Osmand is "too mature" to fellate), but you don't have to turn to JT to get your old Michael Jackson fix. Seriously, stop comparing Justin Timberlake to Michael Jackson. If we, as a society, keep doing this, he's eventually going to be able to molest a boy and get away with it.

I think that when it comes down to it, the part that pisses me off the most about the whole situation is that you just KNOW he's going to win a Grammy or something for SexyBack--a song in which he doesn't play an instrument, doesn't sing, and didn't even produce the beat on a laptop. Seriously, if it wins one, I think Timberland (or at least Lou Pearlman) should get to go up and accept the award.

Anyways, yeah... ladies, get over it. It's not good. If you want to go to a club and "get yo dance on," there's hundreds of better songs to do it to.

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In other news, I just got this via e-mail and thought it was pretty funny/interesting. So, if you live in Chicago and are bored, you should probably go.

Wednesday, November 8th | 8:30 p.m.
free Jack drinks for an hour

UR Chicago Presents: Chicago Sounds
Schuba's

Details:
3159 N. Southport Ave.
First, the bad news: Tonight's event'll cost ya 15 bones. (Sponsor URChicago must not see the advantageous PR in a free show.) However, Suffrajet, Detholz! and Skybox provide a range of delicious sounds, perfectly complimenting an event focused on the local music scene. And there will be prizes! Looks like someone's getting a URChicago key chain this Christmas. Make sure to RSVP at urchicago@purepromote.com.

Ho no, Schuba's Tavern, I beg to differ... the bad news will be you cleaning up the gallons and gallons of Jack Daniels scented puke. Seriously, the only situation I could think of that could result in more trouble for the management is if they gave away free Jack for two hours.